An article on mental health that I will be posting on Witchvox. Rights belong to ME, so no stealing :)
Let's begin by making a few things
about schizophrenia clear. It commonly involves psychotic episodes
in which we hallucinate (usually audio or visual), have severe mood
swings, unrealistic delusions and sometimes even black outs, losing
hours to days at a time. This is often accompanied by a paranoia or
a disconnection from reality. Sometimes it involves multiple
personality, but most of the time this is not the case. Some people
mistakenly think that we schizotypals are sociopaths, which is not
always true. I hardly think I would have made it this far with Wicca
if I couldn't feel empathy.
My problem is what most with some sort
of mood or psychotic disorder has: what's real and what's crossed
wires in the brain?
It is a real and true challenge to
fully understand our position with the divine. Many of us claim to
be speaking with God (rarely have I met anyone who claims to be
speaking to a Goddess), or other voices that belong to several
beings. Demons? Faeries? Those who have crossed the Veil? All of
which are commitable offenses to the mental health community, but
when this sort of thing is the norm in a commune within a circle (or
outside the confines of one in many cases), drawing the line between
psychosis and reality becomes monstrously difficult.
Perhaps it has something to do with how
we are incarnated, how receptive we are to astral happenings and how
our minds are equipped to handle such encounters. For me, having a
conversation with a dryad spirit is just as real as speaking to a
fellow human being. What you would see is some nut-job chatting it
up with a tree. Tell me that
doesn't sound crazy.
Someone once told
me that to tell the difference between spirit noise and internal
chatter was to try to figure out the motive of the voice. If it
tells you to hurt yourself or others, it's psychosis. I’m pretty
sure I disagree at least a little. Our Shadow Selves often berate us
with self doubt and sometimes detrimentally harmful advice if not
handled properly. It's not all rainbows and farts on the other side
of the Veil you know, though some of the more “fluffy” aspects of
Paganism would claim that only positivity could be found in a true
encounter with a spirit. Hey, every sect of belief has some bad eggs
out there, and I think it would be foolish to assume that spirit folk
don't have any themselves.
So how DO I tell
the difference between astral entities and voices in my head?
It's not easy, it
never has been and probably never will be. First thing I do is
ground and center, then I check my aura and chakras reaction to the
voice. If it is attached to me by a chord or within my own energy
field, I can safely assume that its merely mental chatter. Even my
Shadow Self has its special place in my energy field, and I keep tabs
on it closely. If the entity is not a part of my own energy field,
then I can assume that it is separate from me, and can be reasoned
with to depart (or share some thoughts on whatever might be an issue
that day). It could mean the difference between lighting some
incense and candles or casting a banishing circle, opinion of the
voice pending.
I by
no means discourage people like me to not take their medicine, but
its interfering properties can sometimes throw me for a loop. Ever
hear that expression “My mind is so open my brains fall out?” I
can feel that those of us with some kind of psychotic disorder have
this problem. We are too
receptive, and like moths to a flame, both internal and external
forces are drawn to our minds. Things get pretty tangled up in there
if too much is going on, and it can be dangerously overwhelming.
Learning
to channel that energy properly is key to sorting out the chaos of
the mind. Talking with faeries is fun, but there needs to be a line
drawn between those mischievous things rearranging your sock drawer
and a paranoia of someone actually messing with your belongings. A
little research might be in order. What kind of faeries like to move
things about to get a rise out of you? Is there any other evidence
that eludes to having any of the fae in your household? Perhaps
simply asking them to leave you alone might be in order, at least
until you can sort out exactly which energy is where within and
without you.
Some would say
listen to your intuition on the matter, but what most don't realize
that schizophrenic folk have nothing but doubt in their minds
sometimes, and no amount of reasoning can make one believe one thing
over another. There very well may be a guardian angel in your
presence, but on the flip side demons are a very real thing, and most
are self generated into a life of their own. Not to say that they
are nothing but evil troublemakers, some of my best advice comes from
beings of a lower vibration than myself. Just like with people,
their words need to taken with a grain of salt.
If it is determined
that a being is separate from yourself and its presence is unwelcome,
some banishing spellwork might be in order. Again, the difference
from a malicious spirit and the Shadow Self may be hard to
distinguish. Either way, making allies with either of them could
prove beneficial. To face one's fears – as irrational as they can
be with us schizotypals – can prove to be a strengthening of sorts.
Taking control of the illness can be aided greatly with a firm grip
on whats real and what's not, a protective circle (even if its just
to make yourself feel safer) and possibly the correct medication
combination. Be wary of what you put into yourself, friends;
antipsychotics tend to deaden some sixth sense perception as well as
everyday emotion. I suppose its up to how open you want your mind to
be, and what you can handle as someone who is mentally ill.
As for me, I’m
still working on that reality boundary, and will probably struggle
with it to my dying day. But I like to think of it as a challenge.
I am incarnate right now in this body with all of its merits and
flaws, and I must make the most of it if I want a degree of
happiness. To open one's mind, sometimes you take in the good as
well as the bad, and our job is to sort out what is a healthy dose of
fear and a realistic take on happiness.
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